Pissing away opportunities.

Last week, I received a mass email from the owner of the bike shop with the subject line “Freakishly Awesome Opportunity.” This FAO was described as “an outdoor experience involving all muscle groups and little neurological activity,” and was set to take place in Shawnigan Lake, a village 50km north of Victoria, on Sunday the 12th. At that time, I was deep into Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None,” which tells the tale of ten strangers–lured by an invitation from a mysterious person–who find themselves marooned on a distant island where they are bumped off one by one.

What peculiar timing! If I had a moustache, I’d have been twirling it. I’ve since finished the book, whose ending was spoiled by its title. After finishing the story, I arrived at the “About the Author” section, in which it is claimed that Agatha Christie is the most widely published author of all time and in any language, outsold only by the Bible and Shakespeare.

I’d be much more pleased to find an Agatha Christie novel in the bedside drawer at the next hotel I stay at than the Bible. Needless to say, I did not end up taking the bait to Shawnigan Lake last Sunday. (The cryptic email, as explained by a colleague today, was to help build a dock at the owner’s vacation home.)

I reserved my distress for Tuesday morning:

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3% failure rate.

A few months before my June 15, 2024 accident I watched the first season of Netflix’s Tour de France Unchained. The first episode revealed that a rider had a horrific accident in 2020 in which he was knocked off balance by another rider while sprinting for the finish line. The rider, Fabio Jakobsen, crashed into the metal barriers at 80km/h, crushing his nose and mouth. In his interviews for the docuseries, he’s already gone through reconstructive surgery and had all “his” teeth. (Graphic–but not bloody–pictures of the work done on his jaw can be seen here.)

On the ambulance ride to the hospital, I remember wiggling my toes and feeling relieved that I probably hadn’t broken anything beyond my teeth. I believed the magic of modern dentistry would take care of me.

It’s been 22 months, and my dental journey is still ongoing. September 11, 2025 was supposed to be my lucky day. Then it got pushed to March 12th. The installation of the final crown didn’t happen then either. Here’s my story:

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La dolce far niente.

I’m back to using my e-reader, which means I can read by the light of my mandle. You’d think it’d create the right ambience for works of erotica, except the object of desire in the book I am currently reading, Sky Daddy by Kate Folk, is not human. The protagonist is horny for airplanes.

Am I reading… airplane smut? I am! And I’m enjoying it!

I started the 352-page book on Tuesday, and already I’m 83% done. I picked up this book because I was in the mood for something weird, and it certainly has ticked that box.

My next date with an airplane has been scheduled for June 29th. An Airbus A350-1000 will transport me and my bike to London, UK, where I’ll have five days to make up for the sights I missed out on during my first visit in 2022, which saw me stricken down with COVID. Airfare for this upcoming trip cost me dearly, thanks to the surge in jet fuel prices brought on by the Middle East crisis.

What a privileged thing to bitch about, eh?

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What’s an aardvark?

Yesterday, my bare legs proclaimed the arrival of spring. Step aside, Fred la marmotte, Laura in shorts: the true herald of spring.

It only counts if I stay in shorts from morning until evening, and yesterday was the big day. The snap peas, radishes, lettuce seeds, and kale starts have been planted in the garden.

Indeed, the weather was also nice enough for a bike ride, yet I opted to go for a run, bringing my one-week total to 72km. What did my Garmin coach, Lola, have to say about this? Nothing, except she decreased my estimated VO₂ Max.

I should care about this exactly as much as you do. Yet, my ego burns.

At the end of yesterday’s run, my left hamstring felt a little off, so I’ve taken a true rest day today.

This allows me to share all the masterpieces from the game, Drawing from Memory. Daniel and Alexa were the first to show up last night. Alexa presented me with a lovely “compensation package,” which she’d previously mentioned contained something handmade.

I feel like I should learn some magic spells. The Blacktongue Thief contains a lot of that: I don’t have a mini-review to share just yet, as I have about 40 more pages to go, but the overall vibe of the story reminds me of The Princess Bride.

While we waited for the other opponents to arrive, the three of us did a warm up round. The first prompt selected from the deck: Horse.

Here’s my 60-second horse:

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The insatiable Lola.

In case anyone missed it, I’ve named the AI coach that lives in my Garmin Forerunner Lola.

Since my first full day with Lola at my side, March 19, I’ve averaged 19,679 steps a day, which I think is excellent. But she’s gone from asking me to do 10,000 per day to 20,390. At this rate, I’m going to be expected to walk forever by the end of the year.

Besides, once this shitty Smarch weather dies (there was frost this morning… FROST), I’ll switch to cycling as my primary activity. Or golf? Apparently, Lola knows a thing or two about golf.

On the sedentary side of my life, while Kristen continues lapping me on StoryGraph, I’ve finished my second science fiction novel of the year: Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky.

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